Lessons From a road less traveled
It’s been 9 months and over 20k miles since I first left CO in December 2020 in a bright cherry red camper van. I hit the road with a deep intuitive feeling this was exactly what I needed while also not knowing exactly why. I leaned in, trusted, and did my best to surrender. Some part of me knew I was being guided.
The road ahead would unravel that story as the miles turned on the odometer. I held onto few concrete plans of where to go and what to explore, being free of expectations and opening myself to being present in a way I’ve never embodied before. Whatever felt “right” became my compass.
I often found myself standing still in a moment, asking “Why me? Why do I get to receive what feels like a most generous gift to venture out into the unknown to essentially rediscover myself?”
I worried I was selfish. A common concern for those of us not used to taking space just for ourselves… who get caught up in webs of over giving, over functioning, over caring. Webs that entangle and lead to severe burn out, fatigue, and resentment. That’s where I was before I left in December. That’s how I knew I was living a life that no longer provided what I needed and I was significantly out of alignment with myself.
These nine months have been an absolute gift of regeneration and reconnection. In my reflection on selfishness, I came to recognize the importance of how to consciously receive when given such gracious and generous gifts. Receiving is often the hardest part of the exchange of heartfelt giving for the very reason it demands the heart to expand and open. Most of us have some resistance to becoming vulnerable like that. Yet, learning how to receive is an essential part of the dance of generosity.
Today I see the beautiful synchronicity of the length of “nine months.” It’s an obvious parallel to pregnancy, the process and preparation for birth and new life. It seems fitting. A quick google search pointed me toward the number nine symbolizing completion. It is referenced as the culmination of wisdom and experience. Again, incredibly and mysteriously fitting.
I feel that sense of completion. I told a friend this past weekend that the van experience has given what it needed to give. That it is no longer the same vehicle for the medicine my soul once needed and how if I keep using it under the original pretenses, it will soon become a vehicle of escapism. An important discernment I’m grateful to be aware of.
So, I’ve begun to take steps to honor these insights and the completion of this life changing chapter.I reflect in gratitude for answering that call to redirect my life and to trust myself enough to take the leap. As I look to root down in a new place so I can create a life I’ve long dreamed of, I feel familiar fears with a mix of excitement. When the fear of the unknown and being alone in a new place surface, I remember the past nine months and the abundance of love that has been shown to me along this journey, assuring me: I’m cared for, guided and there is love waiting around each turn in such miraculous ways.
These are the core lessons I’ve taken from the past nine months. I hope to remember them, live by them, and continue to share them.
In summary, they are:
Fear, go towards it. It holds exactly what you need. Especially when mixed with excitement.
Love, there is an abundance of it. Believe in it and the world will reflect beautiful kindness even in the darkest of times.
They’re simple. And I like that. Perhaps you might too.
More to come.
In the meantime, honor your fears, believe in love and keep it simple.
xo,
jess
